20/11/2015

 I woke up today- indifferent. I would say I did not start the day badly at all.

 I listened to Joel Osteen's podcast, teaching me that God has placed in me an amazing potential. I should safer ate from negative, critical people who do not add value to my life

 As the day went on, I started getting depressed. I had dropped the kids off at school.... I did not have anyother program lined up for the day..... I shed a tear or two.

 As we all know.... It is darker at the end of the tunnel, the pains are always worse at the end of the pregnancy.

 My prayer as I cried this morning was "Lord, I know you have something big for me.... just give me the patience to wait for it, to wait for Your time." 

 I live a very comfortable life, I have always been satisfied with what I have. I have the most wonderful husband who loved me to bits, 3 perfect, loving and very little boys. We lived in one of the choicest estates..... I knew people who wanted what I had. But then I wanted more.....I was not used to not having a drive, a purpose after my kids have left for school.... I wanted more. This sudden stron desire that I started feeling for sometime now should mean something and I pray for the patience to wait for it.

A Mother's Role

Being a mother of 3 young and very active sons a lot of you will agree with me that it can get frustrating at times. Sometimes, we get to wonder what extra it is that the fathers do to make their children be so quick to obey them while we mothers have to talk scold and threaten before we get the same result.

When I was growing up, I remember my mother always complaining that we don’t go to our Dad for our requests the way we come to her and I have grown up asking the same questions to my kids. 

 Mothers become like friends to their kids especially when they are really younger. Yes, I want to be the friend they are free to talk to about their worries, fears, joys, the things that get them excited or confused. At the same time, I also want them to realize my authority as their mother and respect that. There should be a balance.

I find myself so many times worrying about it and committing their spirits to God and asking Him to mold them right. One of the best gifts a child can have is a godly mother.

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•  At an early age, your kids should be taught to pray, taught even in the simplest words about the word of God.

• Teach them the importance of forgiveness to apologise when they do wrong and that being truly sorry would yield forgiveness. You can be a good example, I remember the day I came to pick my kids from school and my son complained that I came late. I had to say that I am sorry and make sure my apology was accepted before I started driving home. Children can be impressionable, they learn from people around them.

•  “Train up a child in the way he should go…..” Prov 22:6. No matter how young, try to give them the basic training. Greeting their elders, saying “Thank you”, “I am sorry”, “Excuse me” "Please" table manners tidying up after themselves….. A point will come when you will not have to remind them anymore.Just like conditioning their memory, it will become a habit. Sometimes my husband will be like “They are young, now” or “They are acting their age”. But I am not trying to take away their childhood I just want to start early.

•  Punishment and Reward Heb 12:6-11. Correction has its benefits. I am not heartless, I may be a little strict. If my kid does something wrong, I scold and correct. If they do not show remorse ie like “…is it not Mummy? After talking she will leave us alone…” I take away something they like if they ask why, I use the opportunity to explain that there should be punishment for wrong- that is life. In the same way, I try to reward good. Kids are happy and try to put in extra effort if they know you are happy and are proud of them. Rewarding them encourages them to do more.

• Always pray for your kids. It is your responsibility. Speak God’s word, Prophesy upon their lives. God has put you in the position to do so and He will honour your word.

In all things….it is not by power nor by might, but by the grace of God. He will raise them in the right way, we just have to do our little part and hand over the rest to God.

-Sincerely, Cika!

When God Works

 I remember a friend used to say to me many years ago that God gives us open doors but sometimes we have to give the door a  shove to open. It made me wonder... will that be the will of God?.

 We all know and we have used it many times, the saying "the Kingdom of God suffereth violence and the violent takes it by force" Somethings happen in our lives that leaves us to wonder....If I always have committed my life and plans to the will of God, if He was planning to bless me, would it come by my forcing it out or cajoling to influence it?

 I have sown seeds, I have exercised patience, waited and I have kept the faith. Yes, I have.... It is always best to allow God to have His complete work in you.

 No, we cannot make God do anything that is not His will. If you had to influence it or cajole and it is not His will, it will may look God at first but it will not last. He can use anyone to help you even those who do not like you, who do not know you. It may not come the way you wanted it to...But it always comes with PEACE.

 Keep on staying in His will, keep on waiting. When he answers you I can assure you that he will exceed your expectations. He did mine... It will be obvious that it is God working. He will share His glory with no man.



Sincerely, Cika!

Spending Time With Your Children

Have been MIA for some time now. Basically the kids have been on holiday and after 2 long months with 3 active boys schools are reopening on Monday......been some journey. 

 Spending so much time with them has made me realize how much children treasure their parents presence.... If I get frustrated, I usually would ask them if they rather I get them a Nanny so I don't stand so much in their way. The answer I always get is "No!" 

 After spending this whole 2 months with them I have learnt a few things.....

- You get to teach them what you want them to learn. You notice some wrong conceptions they have gathered over time, from friends and Nannies and you get to correct it. At least it is a teaching you trust. You get to model good behavior, habits and morals as children are ready to copy grown ups.

- The more time you spend with them, the closer you get and they learn to talk to you. I remember the day my kids told me "Mummy, we saw kissing in our channel.....we don't like Little Charmers sef" I tried so hard not to make a big deal about it, not to scare them away so they will still be able to talk to me.

- You get to learn the strengths of your children....you notice weaknesses too. This will help you know the areas to work on, to encourage. You notice the child that needs a firm hand to handle and the one that needs more hugs.....lol! I have both. I try as much as possible to build them up to make them better and have self confidence no matter what little tiny doubts they may have. 

 When you are always there to listen and laugh and behave like a child with them, it builds their self esteem and relieves you of some stress....even though I had times I had to send them back to their room so I can have some alone time, they always came back to ask me what I am doing.

 I must confess, it was not all rosy. There were frustrating times when I had to wonder what they were thinking or if they will ever get tired of shouting (guessing how long it will take before one looses his voice and how funny it will be.....but it never happened). I always had one prayer in mind.... Lord, please teach me how to raise my children right.

Giving....

1 Cor 13:5- ...does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep record of wrongs...

 This verse talks about LOVE. I just want to point out one characteristic; "...is not selfish..." That it reciprocates, it is giving, tries to make the other happy.

 I am at a point in my life that everything appears to be at a stand-still. My husband currently is pursuing one of his dreams and I have to be there for the kids. Sometimes I feel so frustrated that he gets to stay away so much. This has made me spend so much time thinking about the situation and I have come to the realization that occasionally situations like this will arise to either one of us and we should be able to be strong and fill up for the other person- that is what love is about. We should be able to give our time, be supportive and allow our partners to pursue their dreams.

  If you look at your relationship, you will agree with me that you have required or given this kind of sacrifice... you have received gifts that made you want to give back in return. That is how it works...if it is mainly one-sided, believe me the partner that is always giving will soon get tired and stop...just like taking from a bank account and never depositing... it will eventually be empty.

 Gifts are not only physical. A relationship is about 2 imperfect people that come together in other to try to achieve perfection. everyone has his or her own ideas of what they want to achieve in the union. Their individual dreams do not have to die because we are married. They should be able to give time, support, understanding, encouragement and physical gifts too to make it work .

 John 3:15 "For God so loved the world that He gave....." If you love, you would want to give. In fact, it should be automatic without thinking so much about it. The main purpose of giving should not be to receive. Your desire should be to make your partner happy. Love should be selfless. Love begets much love. The giving should be able to work both ways. Love reciprocates....



Sincerely, Cika




 

Alone?

Joshua 1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of your life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.

 My prayer for you today is that you may find fulfillment in His presence; that only God will satisfy you in Jesus' name.

 There are times in our lives that we have to be alone be it in a relationship, marriage or not. You may be afraid of being alone or you have been alone for too long that you idealize a man's attention as an epitome of success and fulfillment; you might have become distrustful in men because of your past experiences. Whatever the case may be, you have found yourself alone. This is not the time to fall into depression. I am not saying that the situation is easy. Like the saying goes, life is a dress rehearsal. Being alone may be necessary to prepare yourself for what is to come.

 You have to understand the secretes of being alone...find out, learn and master what God wants you to learn at this stage of your life. Develop yourself, your strengths and try to cut out the excesses from your life, learn to be patient and tolerant. Some women have been alone long enough that they have become so dependent on themselves. As much as this is good, you are still the woman and when you enter a relationship, you have to allow your partner to be the man. Spend this time to try to relearn to be a woman. Overall, try to make yourself better.

 It is when you do this that you will be ready to share your companionship with another. If you are not satisfied on your own, no relationship will satisfy you. Relationships are not the answer to every loneliness. A woman has to be happy by herself before the man comes. If she does not, she will soon be unhappy with him around. She will go from madly in love to being distant dissatisfied because she is expecting him to satisfy all that she hasn't gotten out of life, to fill a gap that only the Holy Spirit can. Men are human and have needs too, they come with their own imperfections and expectations.

 In marriage, you will at times find yourself alone, physically or emotionally. You have to have the strength to carry your partner along and bring him back to you without being controlling or selfish about it. Sometimes you have to show selflessness allow him to become his own man, pursue his dreams while you pursue yours while at the time helping each other. These characters are not learnt on the job.

 You have waited for this long, it is for a reason. Find out what it is and deal with it so you don't carry it into your future relationships. Marriage is between two mature people; mature not of age but in strength of character. Each one being strong together and individually to hold the other up. Spend this time to mature. It is only Jesus that will be able to soothe the itch of affection that you desire....while you wait. Spend this time with him "He will never leave you nor forsake you".


-Sincerely, Cika.

Romance...?(2)

  Ok some of you may say the last post was mainly for the women, yes, that was on purpose. This is because I know men are just babies and their's would really be an exhaustive list. If you adore him, you wont be able to run out of ways to show him... Let's make a list.

1. Respect him...show him you regard him as the MAN of the relationship. Teach him lovingly how you want him to express his love for you.
2. Make an effort to undrestand his feelings; the things he likes and do them and the things he does not like and refrain from doing them. This will show him that he matters to you, that he is important to you.
3. Show interest in the things that interest him...if he has a hobby, make an effort to know as much as you can about it and allow him to practice it.
4. Show interest in his friends and allow him to spend some time with them.
5. Don't focus on the negatives, rather focus on the things he is doing right. We all have flaws don't always hammer on his rather compliment him as often as possible. When you confront him keep in mind that he has feelings too...
6. Make an effort to protect his dignity at all times be it among family members or friends; dont give people room to disrespect him.
7. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together. Enjoy each others company, try and spend time together apart from the children. Take him out on dates and put enough effort in planning it.
8. Tell him often that you love him, compliment his looks. Not only us, they want to hear it often too. Make an effort to be creative in ways you express your love. Even cooking for him is important and make them the way he likes.
9. When you are wrong, admit your mistakes and apologize...don't exploit your role as the woman. Forgive him when he wrongs you. When you are angry, express it respectfully, don't give him the silent treatment.
10. Allow him time to unwind when he comes home from work, give him time to be alone. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
11. Text him or send him an email when he is at work, telling him how much you love him, be impulsive in your expression of love. Leave love notes in his pocket or wallet or around the house where he can find them.
12.  Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is and about specific things, encourge him to want to be a better person, husband and father. Be his number one fan and cheer leader.
13. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home; get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him.
14.  Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there. Honor him in front of the children. Never criticize him in front of others.
15. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
16.  Initiate sex periodically, don't make it his role and respond more often. Discover his sexual needs and make an effort to satisfy them.
17. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function, you may text him to see you at the side and tell him something like "You were looking so handsome and I coulden't wait to give you a kiss".
18. Hold hands and snuggle close to him even in public places...they too like public show of affection.
19. Never ague with him about money...as difficult as it may be.
20. Make an effort to always look your best for him. Make it easy for him to be out with you and show you off more often.

  It is my desire that we all get the best of our relationships and this does not come without some effort.



-Chika.